


A Pumpkin Pie Slice of life

by quicksylver28



Series: Atlantis- Slice of Life [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Homophobic Language, Humour, Language, M/M, Rough Trade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 12:13:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2150301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksylver28/pseuds/quicksylver28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rough Trade Boot Camp Challenge 2014</p><p> </p><p>Every once in a while the denizens of Atlantis hold a “thank God we’re not dead” party. This time it’s Halloween so it’s time to break out the Home made costumes, the not exactly pumpkin pie and get drunk off of Radek’s stash.</p><p>Kavanugh knew that he and Mckay would never agree but after nearly dying in the latest Pegasus Galaxy fiaso, he appreciated Mckay's and Sheppard’s ability to pull their collective fat out of the fire.</p><p>Maybe he’d been looking at this all wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Title: A Pumpkin Pie Slice of Life  
Author: quicksylver28  
Fandom/Genre: Stargate Atlantis  
Relationship(s): Kavanaugh/ Lorne  
Content Rating: MA+ to be safe  
Warnings: Language, Homophobia, violence, adult content  
Summary: Atlantis throws a "Thank God we're not dead" party.

 

Chapter One

 

The doors hissed closed behind him, blocking out the noise and movement of the city, leaving him in blessed silence. He dropped his flak jacket and back pack, still reeking of decontamination spray, at the door and slowly peeled off his scrubs, grimacing as the cotton brushed against his bruised body. The mellow morphine cloud he’d been riding while in the infirmary was wearing off, leaving him feeling wrung out.

Stepping into the shower he let the hot water pound his battered body, slowly easing the deep ache. Twenty minutes later, he stumbled into his room in a cloud of steam and sat on the edge of the bed, He shivered in the chill of the cool air against his damp skin, clutching and releasing the towel in his hands repeatedly.

Flashes of the past few days were starting to come back, clearer now, no longer dulled by good drugs and unconsciousness. Of muzzle flashes and gunfire, running through the halls of the city, breathing hard and muttered curses. The clamor of quarantine alarms and echoing skitter of alien feet across metal floors. He flinched away from that last one, pushing it to the back of his mind.

He’d gotten better at repressing the memories these days, Better at waking up from nightmares without screaming and not reaching for a holster every time someone dropped something heavy in the lab.

When Heitmeyer first diagnosed it as mild PTSD, he scoffed in her face and skipped his next two appointments. It had taken an email from Weir and a marine ‘escort’ to his next three appointments to get him to take Kate seriously. Boy, he’d been twelve kinds of idiot back then.

It seemed like ages ago since he’d stepped through the Stargate into Atlantis with eyes bright and heart filled with the love of SCIENCE! Who could blame him? Stepping through a freaking wormhole in space to another freaking galaxy, to the lost city of Atlantis, home of the Gatebuilders, the Ancients themselves.

What more could he have wished for? What a noob he’d been, what noobs all of them had been. He huffed a chuckle, wincing and holding a hand to his side. Damn bruised ribs.

They’d learned fast though. If one lived on Atlantis long enough, one came to understand some inalienable truths. Life in the Pegasus galaxy was tough. The people were hardened survivors, the wraith were a nightmare and everything that lived and breathed and walked on four legs, six legs, two legs, or as he'd recently learned- any number of fucking legs, could kill you in an instant.

Oh, and the ancients were assholes.

While life on Atlantis was an oasis of peace and awe inspiring scientific discovery from the jungle wilds and alien savagery of Pegasus, the ancient city itself had proven to be a booby trap infested maze of frustratingly complex, baffling and sometimes useless machinery that the ancients had left behind willy nilly in their hasty flight from the wraith.

After the sixth months of learning first hand ALL of the different alarms the city had for emergencies, the shell shocked colonists had begun muttering about all the stuff the ‘sacred ancestors’ left lying around for “No Good Reason”.

These NGR’s, as they came to be called, were often left like hidden easter eggs, ready to jump out, fall on, encapture or molecularize unsuspecting scientists and soldiers at any given moment.  
The latest one had been a doozie.

A chime from his door startled him out of his musing. He checked the chronometer, blinking as the numbers blurred. He’d been sitting there in the dark of the room for the better part of an hour.

Sometimes he wished for Sheppard’s uber ATA gene so that he could just think the door open but his reaction to the gene therapy was average at best so he gingerly eased himself off the bed and waved his hand in front of the door controls, his other hand holding the towel securely around his waist.

“What the hell Kav, aren’t you ready yet?” His guest huffed and pushed passed him into the room.

She flopped back unto his bed as if she belonged there and propped her head on one elbow, one eyebrow raised. He blinked and waved the door closed. At his confused look she sighed deeply.

“It’s Halloween remember? The costume party?” she gestured to her outfit.

A dingy pair of jeans three sizes too big, held up by red suspenders and a white wife-beater vest. A string of bright red fake dynamite slung across her torso and detonators and wires bulged out of the pockets. Her hair was a messy bun under the yellow hard hat and as she smiled around a chewed off cigar, he could see several of her teeth blacked out. Soot covered the lower half of her face and arms but couldn’t cover the fading black eye or the bruises that littered her skin.

His mind clicked uselessly for a moment. Oh.

For weeks the city had been buzzing about the Halloween party, ever since they had brokered a deal with a populated planet for some almost-pumpkin like vegetables. They were actually tubers but they were orange and tasted like pumpkin. It had taken all but two minutes for people to go from arguing on what to name the things (the botanists) to discussing recipes (the kitchen staff) to planning a Halloween themed “thank God we’re not dead” party.

They’d taken to throwing these parties every once in a while. A way to everyone a break from the almost constant pace of Pegasus life and give everyone a taste of home. The last one had been a “May the fourth be with you” party where they’d played all three original star wars movies out on one of the piers. The later three movies were available but that idea had been vetoed immediately by the ENTIRE science division.

The engineers had rigged a giant projector and several space heaters and the soldiers had scrounged up blankets and cushions for people to sit on. The Athosians had been flown in via puddle jumpers and the kitchen staff had made buffalo wings from the almost-chickens from PX 5690 and the fries from the blue potato like things that went great with black pepper.

When Weir had first broached the subject in her weekly city wide email, he’d scoffed. To him it had seemed a waste of precious time and resources and he’d made his opinions known within the lab spaces for the whole week afterwards. He had to admit he’d been a bit of a dick to Kusanagi when she’d tried to defend the party in her own quiet way.

He’d tried to apologize to her afterward but she’d given him the thousand yard stare that told him if he came near her again, he’d be getting ice cold sea water in his shower forever. She was one of the smarter of Mckay’s minions and he reckoned she’d learned that particular one at Mckay’s knee.

Rodney Mckay would incessantly gripe to anyone with ears about the size and weight of his off-world pack but, man, that Canadian bastard could carry a grudge forever.

Anyway, the party had been a hit, bringing the military and civilian aspects of the expedition closer together as a result. The Athosians also had a chance to see some earth customs and mingle with the citizens without the dread of the wraith hanging over their heads. That was probably Weir’s goal in the first place. She was a tricky one. Good at politics.

“Hey” There was a hand on his arm.

He came back to the present with a breath.

“Hey” he shrugged slightly, “wool gathering”

She nodded in quiet understanding. Coming down post mission FUBAR was always rough; add to that a stint in sickbay and a person got a little glitchy. She’d seen it enough among the soldiers and it broke her heart a little to see some of the civilians acting the same way.

She patted his arm gently, her eyes running over the cross hatch bruising that ran down from his shoulder to elbow. She grinned and flopped back unto the bed with a gusty sigh and slight wince.

“So… what are you wearing?” she whined “I could be eating halloweenies and draculoni and cheese by now.”

He gave her a flat look and walked over to his closet, pulling out a plain black suit on a hanger.

“I wore this suit to my father’s funeral. My ex sent it over with the Dedealus when she moved. I was thinking of adding shades and a neuralizer and going as the men in black? I thought it would be ironic.”

“Lame” She made a face, drawing out the word. She hopped from the bed and plucked the suit from his hand.

“I know the rule was only homemade costumes, no ‘store bought’ but this is ridiculous. Where’s your imagination man?”

He snatched the suit back from her and hung it from a hook on the nearby wall. 

“Back in M Section with the last couple days of my life. Add a couple more days in the infirmary and you have an idea of my week.”

He waved off her sarcastic look. “Ok sue me, I was dicking around and forgot to make one. I thought I would have this week but we both know how that turned out. Frankly, I could as well skip this one. Even my bruises have bruises.”

She gave him a mock affronted look and put her hands on her hips.

“Calvin Peter Kavanaugh. I am ashamed of you young man. I expected better of you. What is this nonsense of which you speak? Skip this one indeed.”

Her eyes were laughing as she tried to speak with a straight face and a haughty voice. She harrumphed at him and stuck her nose in the air, trying and failing to fold her arms over the fake dynamite slung across her chest.

 

“Well, Laura Imogene Cadman” he drawled, ducking when she tried to swatting him for using her middle name, “unless you have a better idea in those pants somewhere, this will just have to do.”

With that he dropped the towel and began searching through his drawer for clean underwear. Laura flopped back unto the bed, not even batting an eye. They’d seen each other naked many times. Either in the post mission showers, on missions off world and just two days ago in the icky decontamination showers. Her eyes roved over his lean form.

He was pale and muscular but after being assigned to her team five months ago, going off-world so much had given him a bit of colour. She was very sexual woman and always appreciated the male form but now her eyes only saw the fading bruises that seemed to dominate his back and hips.

The day he’d been assigned to her team she’d gone directly to Sheppard’s office. She just been given her own spanking brand new team to go with her promotion from Second Lieutenant to First Lieutenant and had been reluctant to work with Kavanugh because of his reputation for being a twat with both the military and the scientists.

Sheppard had only smiled at her and assured her that she could handle it. Secretly she often wondered if he’d put them together to keep the people Rodney Mckay couldn’t stand in one place. Reduce the blast radius as it were.

It had been rocky at first. She was learning the ins and outs of leading her own team, Kavanaugh was learning how to play well with others and the final two members Alvarez and Mickey were figuring out how they fit into the mix.

Officer Cadet Joaquin Angel Juan David Alvarez was fresh off the Dedealus with huge biceps and a bigger “give me a reason” attitude towards the wraith. He’d been almost chomping at the bit to “rip a drone’s faceplate off and use it as an astray”. His first skirmish with the wraith had left him with a broken clavicle and an attitude adjustment. She was just glad it hadn’t sent him home in a body bag before he’d wizened up.

2nd Lieutenant Virgil Mickey was a Pegasus veteran. One of the original expedition members, he was more easy going with a dry sense of humour. Having been teased from childhood about his first and last names, the latter since he lived but a mile from Disney World in Florida, he was a good counter to Alvarez’s gung-ho enthusiasm , Kavanaugh’s attitude and her own unconventional leadership.

Kavanaugh had been a burr in her side at first, complaining about everything from Weir’s running of Atlantis to Mckay’s and Sheppard’s reckless endangerment of the city several times over. Every hike through the woods or across the plains of some new world was met with long speeches about how his time would be better served back on the city if Mckay would only get off his high horse and let him do his job.

Finally she’d gotten fed up and had sat them all down around the fire on one of their overnight missions. She told flat out him that they would listen, truly listen and consider what he had to say if he in turn listened and considered their views. He’d been nonplussed at first, accustomed to being dismissed easily and after a few halting words, he’d laid out all of his arguments simply and directly.

Boiled down to simple terms, there wasn’t a lot he was cross about. He seemed almost hesitant afterwards, as if waiting for something, some kind of condemnation. Laura had then taken each of his complaints one and a time and seriously addressed them, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing to come to a compromise.

After the tenth “but on earth…” to come out of Kavanugh’s mouth, Mickey said what they all needed to hear.

“We are not on earth,” he chuckled, shaking his head, “. This is Pegasus. New Game. New Rules, man.”

It had gotten a bit smoother since then. Cal was still a bit of a twat at times but they’d come through a lot in their months together. She was proud of their little team.

She smiled and turned her head to where Cal was straightening the cuffs of the suit. He’d slicked his curls back into a smooth cap and buffed his dress shoes to a glossy sheen. A pair of shades hung from his pocket and he was fiddling with a small silver tube.

“Well?” he asked.

She motioned him to spin then tapped her finger against her chin in contemplation.  
“Nah. Still lame.”

It was then the most evil smile he’d ever seen stole over her face. That was the face Calvin had only seen twice before on his team leader and both times things had not boded well for anyone involved. He took an involuntary step back.

“I’m not going to like this am I?”

 

 

ok then, *falls over* brain tired, fingers tired. i can't read it over too much cause i will feel the need to edit. we have five more days of this? don't know whether to laugh or cry.


	2. Chapter 2

A Pumpkin Pie Slice of Life  
by quicksylver28  
Warnings: language  
4198/ 10000 so far

Chapter Two

The last Halloween party he’d attended had been in his junior year at college. He’d been fast tracking it to a PhD and had just surfaced from the mountain of course work he’d been buried under when his psyche major roommate dragged him to a party at the Frat House he’d been pledging for an “authentic college experience”.

Dominic Agliatera was from Jersey (Newark baby!) and was whip cord thin with a halo of blonde curls and killer ass, enough of which Calvin would never tire of seeing around their dorm room. If he wasn’t dropping trou and wondering the halls at night in his birthday suit, he was leading a long parade of boys and girls in and out of his bed.

Cal had learned early to buy good pair of earphones or spend late nights studying in the library. Sometimes when the library was closed and the head phones weren’t enough he would lay in bed and jack off to the porn quality sounds coming from the other bed. Dom would always smile at him the next morning and they would never talk about it.

Dom was also of the belief that because Kavanaugh had hailed from Behind God’s Back County, Idaho, that he knew nothing about vices such as drugs, alcohol and sex. He’d never had the heart to tell him that in the potato fields of Idaho there wasn’t anything else for a teenager to do but drink, drive a tractor and fuck. Everybody and their uncle had a potato still in their shed and marijuana plants somewhere in the woods off the back forty.

So that night he put down the books and let his roommate drag him to a Frat party and it had gone downhill from there. Or uphill depending on how you looked at it. By the end of the night he’d gotten drunk off his ass doing an insane amount of shots, jumped off the roof of the frat house into the pool, gotten a blowjob from Spiderman, got his ass spanked alongside Dom in a crazy pledge ceremony, lost the deposit on his rental costume and had to be prodded awake the next morning by campus security after passing out in the Dean of Administration’s daughter’s beloved pet poodle’s doghouse.

After a bleary wink and a “call me” to Princess Sprinkles, he’d been escorted from the property under the Dean’s watchful eye, lucky that his stellar scholastic record until then gotten him no more than a lecture from the Dean and head of campus security. By the time he’d crawled back to him room, he’d sworn off Halloween forever.

Now he was being dragged along to another Halloween Party. By another crazy roommate… well teammate.

Cadman had wasted no time in hustling him down to the NanoFibre lab where Doctor Eustace and his team were designing better gear for the expedition using ancient technology. Their strides in making lighter weight electro-spun heavy impact combat body armour had saved the lives of many on Atlantis.

They were currently working on a way to make the fabric absorb the energy from wraith stunners and for that they’d been getting first dibs at the good coffee that Sheppard has requisitioned from earth for the Science Division *cough* McKay *cough* because of his total man-crush.

He thought he was hiding it so well but they all knew. So much for Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Everyone on Atlantis knew about Sheppard’s secret/ not so secret crush on Mckay. Everyone except Mckay of course. Someone needed to hand that oblivious Canadian Bastard a fucking clue.

He’d thought of adding their potential loss of objectivity due to UST to his list of gripes or but then someone had handed him a cup of the man-crush coffee and all those thoughts flew out the window. Hell, Sheppard could sing sonnets to Mckay’s hair all day and night if he kept that ambrosia flow steady.

That and even he didn’t want to be the asshole who got Sheppard booted from Atlantis for Conduct Unbecoming. He had a vested interest in waking up alive and not captured or tortured or fucking eaten by fucked up space vampires. He liked a large military presence between him and the wraith thank you very much.

As they reached the lab, he’d made a beeline straight for the trusty little coffee maker and poured himself a cup of bliss. Yes, there was that mellow he’d been missing. Patting the maker like a good doggy he meandered over to where Cadman and Eustace were speaking in low voices over a piece of fabric. They kept glancing over at him and whispering some more but he couldn’t muster up the curiosity or the fear to pay much attention.

He took the time to take in the Doctor’s costume, or lack thereof.

“What’re you supposed to be?” he blurted out without thinking, his words slurring a little.

He looked at his coffee in concertation and carefully set the cup down. Ok then. Man-crush coffee and morphine DO NOT mix well. Doctor Eustace gestured to one of the other doctor’s was wearing an Igor costume, hump and all.

A creepy “Master” came from inside the costume and the man or woman, it was hard to tell, shuffled believably from one end of the lab to the other. Oh.

“Where’s your monster?” ok… that was blunt. He seriously needed to stop saying whatever popped into his head at the time.

The Doctor chuckled. “Still on Patrol. He’s getting off in twenty minutes then the Best Group Costume Prize is ours for sure. The Geology Department can suck rocks!”

He pumped his fist twice and Kavanaugh’s brain broke just a little because for as long as he’d known Doctor Eustace, the man had always been a solemn, calm and collected individual and ,being the oldest member of the Science Division, was looked up to by the younger scientists and even some of the soldiers.

Suddenly he has a vision of Doctor Eustace out on the north pier during a storm, lightning crashing all around him as he yelled “It’s alive….. ALIVE”.

He shook that off with a shudder and looked down at the innocent cup before him as the conversation between Cadman and Eustace started up again.

He slowly pushed the cup further away. Definitely no more man-crush coffee tonight.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The party was in full swing by the time they’d made it there. Early enough to get a good selection of food, late enough so that everyone’s had a few drinks in them. Cadman is immediately pulled into a conversation and he let her go, nodding toward the food table. She smiled and nodded and he turned away.

He’s always felt awkward at these things and usually relied on either being stone cold sober (Science Gatherings) or stone cold drunk (those same Science Gatherings After Parties- if you knew the right people of course).

He’d known the right people once, back on earth. They may have been earth’s greatest minds but they could throw a party like it was 1999. He’d even seen Radek at one of them. The man didn’t recognize him though, or if he did, he didn’t say. It was years ago and his accent was even thicker than it was now. They’d been at opposite ends of the room and not spoken. But the Czech had brought some good liquor though and they’d all gotten thoroughly smashed.

Kavanaugh had woken up in a sexy micro-biologist’s bed the next morning and after bit of fooling around, a bit of breakfast and a bit more fooling around in the hotel shower, he’d checked out with a smile on his face and a grant cheque in his pocket.

He scouted the food table. The cooks had gone all out on the dishes but what he was looking for was the almost pumpkin pie. He hadn’t had slice of that in forever and even though the thought of food made him a bit queasy, he really wanted a piece of that pie. He loved pumpkin pie.

The last time he’d had one was the year before his mother died. She’d made it for him and his new wife during what would be their first and last Thanksgiving visit as a married couple. It was like a warm and delicious hug for his taste buds every time he had it and that’s because it always tasted the same, every time. Part of it was his nostalgia and part because of his mother’s strict adherence to the recipe.

She’d always been a stickler for rules and the correct way of things. She’d been an actuary and the raising an above average child in the middle of rural Idaho with a husband who spent nine months out of the year driving semi-trucks across America was plenty hectic. That and she had been suffering from OCD before OCD was even a thing suffer from.

As a child he’d thought her little ticks and mannerisms were a fun game but all too soon he’d come to realize what everyone in town seemed to already know. He’d watched her struggle make a routine out of her life, a determined adherence to the rules she set for herself to keep the quirks suppressed. Order and rules became her mantra and order and rules became their lives.

“Ah ha” he spotted his quarry.

One last piece of pie, sitting on a lonely plastic plate. Fresh whipped cream from Athosian Cow-thing Milk sat upon it in a dollop of heavenly glory ready to hit the back wall of his stomach with righteous satisfaction. He was closer now, ETA Ten seconds. He could just see it through bodies of passing partiers. Almost there now. He reached his had forward to grab it and… grasped at the empty table.

What the hell?

Where? What? his hand grasped at air. gone. the lovely pie.

Quickly He got up on his toes and looked around, intent on finding the no good pie stealer and have some words.

What the fucking hell?

Just then he caught a glimpse of a brown leather jacket, a flash of whip at the hip, a brown hat and the tantalizing whipped cream that grew farther away with every step.

Indiana Fucking Jones. That thieving bastard.

“Mother fucker done stole my pie”

This would not stand. No. not after the week he’d had.

This. Would. Not. Stand. At. All.


	3. Chapter 3

Pumpkin Pie Slice of Life  
quicksylver28  
warnings: language

 

Chapter Three

 

After ten minutes of searching through the crowd for the pie thief, he was slightly out of breath, achy and just plain disgusted. He’d been elbowed in the ribs by Rapunzel, nearly beaned in the head by Stackhouse’s laquered green fake bazooka as he and Markam posed for pictures as a pair of green army men and had his foot stepped on by the back half of a unicorn.

After a quick duck and cover, he’d managed to avoid another head injury just to be almost trampled by a pack of feral Smurfs of the Geology Department, half drunk off of Zalenka’s homemade rotgut. There was a Papa, a Brainy and a Jokey Smurf, even a Smurfette and considering the department was all male, Kavanaugh mused that Doctor Eustace may just have some competition for Group Costume after all.

He found a nearby corner and slumped against it. He was really starting to feel his bruises again. Taking a quiet moment away from the noise of the party he easily fell into a meditation technique to keep his breathing steady as the pain in his chest where he’d been elbowed eased. 

Thankfully his costume, while simple, afforded him the luxury of not having to talk to people.  
Not that he got along well with people in general. It was just that his thoughts went from his brain to his mouth, skipping merrily past things like tact and courtesy. It made him appear arrogant and condescending to most and as much as he loathed to admit it, seriously upon pain of death he would never utter the words aloud, that he didn’t have the sheer genius to back up his arrogance like Mckay did.

A cheer erupted from the crowd and he looked up. They were announcing the winners of the Costume Contest. Weir was up there, dressed in what looked to be an Athosian made Xena costume, complete with chakram and knee high boots. He took the opportunity to ogle her legs as she swished around in the short battle dress because it was rare that she would wear anything like this and because… you know, legs.

Sheppard was a portrait of Hot Johnny Cash as he’d surely poured himself into a pair of tight second skin black jeans and fitted black dress shirt opened at his chest. A guitar sling at his back and black leather boots from the Athosians trusty leather workers completed the image of sex on legs. Kavanaugh would bet that more than half the people in the room wanted nothing more than to peel those jeans right off and taste the rainbow inside.

Judging from the way McKay’s eyes kept dragging over Sheppard’s body, looked like he’d finally what kind of hot sexy man meat had been dangling in front of him for months. Not that Sheppard could keep his own gaze from being drawn to McKay’s broad shoulders and ass in his fitted red and white striped sweater and blue jeans.

It bugged Calvin a little that Mckay could pull of a ridiculous costume such as Where’s Waldo complete with fake glasses and stupid red beanie and still snag the attentions of the hottest man in Atlantis but like Virgil was fond of saying, usually when things went pear shaped- Pegasus man, what can you do?

Well, Fuck. Someone had apparently been telling Halloween Fright Night stories to Teyla and Ronon because they were decked out in full wraith regalia, Teyla as a queen and Ronon her drone warrior. They were remarkably disturbing with their powdered skin and hair and creepily effective at playing the monsters that haunted everyone’s nightmares.

Suddenly the room got a little too stifling as he watched them skulk, there was no other word to describe it really, across the room, the crowd parting almost subconsciously before them. Well, Telya glided but Ronon definitely skulked, wraith blaster in his hands.

Kavanuagh swallowed heavily, fighting not to bring up the little that was in his stomach. He knew that they weren’t wraith. That they felt the same loathing and fear that everyone felt, if not more. That they were probably embracing their fear because of Halloween but that didn’t stop a tight pressure from building in his chest at the sight of them. The way his heart stuttered just a little and his breathing got shallow. He tugged at the collar of his suit. He was too hot, the room spun a little. He needed to get out of here now.

He headed for the nearest balcony, slipping quickly out into the cool night air.

 

 

this one was so difficult to get out. it fought me all the way. the next one will be extra long to make up. *ugh*


	4. Chapter 4

A pumpkin Pie Slice of Life  
by quicksylver28  
warnings: Language, Homophobia, man threatening woman

 

Chapter Four

 

The ocean was calm and the air was cool and salty. He pressed a hand against his ribs and breathed deep, pushing down the panic. The sound of the party was muted and he could just hear the waves below. Pale honey gold light of the party bathed the balcony and for a minute he just soaked in the sheer beauty and wonder of the city.

He hitched up the white cloth mask of his costume to just above his nose and took another deep breath. Breathing was easy though the cloth but there was something about the sweet sea air that he loved to indulge in. He ran his gloved fingertips along the rails and marveled at the sensitivity of feeling though the material.

After twenty minutes with Dr. Eustace in the NanoFibre Lab, he looked up from his man-crush coffee induced day dream to see Cadman was grinning and coming towards him with a pair of white gloves and what looked like a large tube sock. She quickly explained her plan for his costume as he’d donned the gloves but he balked at the giant sock.

He gave her his best deadpan stare “I am not wearing a head condom.”

She chortled and pulled it over his head anyway, tucking it under his shirt collar and fixing his tie back into place. To his surprise, he could see and breathe very well though the material.

“It’s a prototype material the doc’s been working on. Appears opaque on the outside but see through inside. Kinda of like a two way mirror. They’re thinking of making camouflage look-out shelters out of the stuff. It can be dyed or printed any pattern. Durable and Water proof too.”  
“There” She pulled on his suit so that it fell right on his body. “I told you Slender Man was a thing. This is so wicked.”

And it was ‘a thing’. He’d seen creepy pictures on the internet while he’d been on earth, heard the stories of child abductions. And this way he could go to the party without having to talk to anyone he didn’t want to and could skulk in a corner if his body ached too much. No one expected the slender man to speak. Better yet no one would expect Kavanaugh to go mute voluntarily mute. He could be anonymous for once. He nodded in approval.

He knew his reputation in Atlantis. Most of him was annoyed and hurt that people would see him that way for what he thought was being objective and speaking his mind but a small part of him cringed at some of the things he’d said and done in the first weeks in Pegasus.

He’d spoken bluntly and directly with facts and statistics and proven methods if he was proven wrong then he’d concede. That’s how science worked. That’s what he thought he would find here. People who would not take things personally because you didn’t take things personally in science.

He’d stepped into another galaxy seeking a place for scientific discovery with like-minded peers without the restrictions or bias of military command but what he ended up with was a grown-up, fucked up version of high school drama. Complete with jocks and geeks and Weir as the overachieving class president. And here’s he was again, the loser blocked from the cool kids table. He was so over this by now.

Then he’d shown fear before the wraith when others had shown courage and hot shame had filled his days and nights. The threat of the wraith had filled him with such terror that nothing he’d seen on earth could have prepared him for. His defining moment had come and passed and he’d cowered before it. Guilt and a healthy dose of self-loathing paralyzed him at every chance for redemption until he’d just given up on being a big damn hero… or even a small damn hero.

Some people were meant to protect and some people needed protecting… he could resign himself to be the latter. He would never leave Pegasus willingly though. He had enough fire in his gut for that. Going back to earth after being on Atlantis would be as Siberia was to Mckay, eternal torture and damnation. He’d go back to earth in a box if at all, in fact he’d left instructions for his ashes to be released of the south pier.

It was his favourite place for being alone in the city. There were no views of the sunset or sunrise, the southern winds were cold and bracing and a large desalination plant obstructed the vast ocean view. It was a place to hear the wind and the waves and see pods of the whale like things breach and crest in the water. He would sit with a thermos of man crush coffee and his thickest fleece jacket and smile at how far away he’d come from the landlocked potato fields of Idaho.  
The murmur of human voices broke him out of his maudlin musings and he quickly pulled his mask back down, stilling as the voices moved closer. It was a woman’s voice, agitated and upset but trying to speak quietly. A man’s murmur answered her, calm and even tempered. They got a little closer now and he could just hear what the woman was saying.

“… must have known how I felt…” she was barely keeping a lid on her emotions.

“…. Sorry I never realized…” His voice was gentle and calming.

They moved even closer and Calvin realized that they would soon be upon him. They would know that he’d been there for a while and that he’d been eavesdropping.

Shit. He needed to hide.

The door to the party was too far away, they’d be around the bend any second. He looked around for a shadow to step into but paused at the next words.

“… you even brought me the last piece of pie. What does that even mean?” her voice was almost tearful now.

Wait one.

The last piece of pie? The last piece of almost pumpkin pie that Kavanaugh would have given his left kidney for tonight? That fucking last piece of pie?

Ire bloomed in his chest and he narrowed his eyes as they came into view.

“Jonessssss.” He hissed, drawing out the ‘sssssss’ in his rage.

The woman jumped and turned, shrieking as she caught sight of him in the dim light of the balcony. He must have been a sight to see. A faceless being in an undertaker’s black suit, half in shadow. He felt a sharp lance of satisfaction because he was petty like that.

Indiana Jones had given his pie…. HIS PIE… to this this….

He looked at her costume.

“What the hell are you supposed to be?” he blurted, mind knocked off track by her horrid costume choice.

She was dressed in a yellow hazmat suit. But it was a ‘sexy’ hazmat suit. It had been cut and rejoined to make a pair of short and a midriff top. Bell bottom pant legs started just above her knees and continued to meet the heeled booties. She had an oxygen filtration backpack strapped across her back with the face mask pushed up into her hair and her makeup was too heavy and vampish in the pale honey light.

She must have heard the incredulity in his voice because she stopped cowering behind Jones to pouting angrily at him. It made her face look pinched and in that instant he recognized her.  
She was one of the botanists that worked with Parrish. She had a tendency to smack gum behind him in line at the mess hall and always heckled loudly during movie night.

“What are YOU supposed to be?” She retorted, braver now. “A sperm banker?”

He rolled his eyes as she cackled at her own joke.

“Do you wear that suit to handle diseases or just spread them sexually?” he returned.

Ooh burn. Even Jones cringed at that one.

“What the fuck is your problem anyway?” she screeched.

Good thing Atlantis didn’t have dogs or they’d be howling now.

“My problem…” He growled. “ … is that HE…”

He jerked a finger at Jones who he now recognized as Major Lorne but at that moment he really didn’t give a fuck.

“…. HE took the last piece of pumpkin pie to give to YOUR…”

He switched to pointing at her and she eeped and took a step back, bumping into Lorne’s broad chest.

“… sorry ass and didn’t leave any for me! That the fuck is my problem!”

She made a face at that. Even Lorne frowned thoughtfully.

“Pie? Fucking Pie? What kind of fag bullshit is that?” she spat in disgust.

Huh? What the fuck did pie have to do with being gay?

He was confused. Lorne on the other hand seemed to be getting paler by the minute though.  
STD Barbie threw up her hands with an agitated noise.

“All you gays are alike…” She whined, she waved her hands at them both. “…with your faggoty bitching and pillow biting. And getting worked up over fucking pie? What kind of nancy-ass bullshit is that? And you…”

She sneered at Lorne.

“You made me think that you were into me. Always hanging around the lab and bringing us snacks and stuff. Turns out you were just gagging for Parrish’s dick all this time? You disgust me. Did you know that he’s fucking Kusanagi? As if that frigid Japanese bitch could please a man. Yeah, they’ve been going at it for weeks. At least she’s a woman and not some fudge packer like you. Guess you’ll just have to go cry in a corner like the rest of the queens.”

By this time Lorne looked like Vampire Indiana Jones, devoid of colour and frozen as the vitriol continued to spill from the harpy’s mouth.

Kavanaugh felt a pang of concern. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was still in effect on Earth. It was a bit looser here with Sheppard panting after Mckay like that but nothing was official.

And even though no one had asked, this bitch was definitely doing a lot of telling. Yes, he was a pie stealing bastard but Lorne hadn’t been there in the beginning when Calvin had made his disastrous first impression and as a result had always treated him fairly and with tolerance if not respect. It would be a shame for something like this to cast a shadow on him. They needed good men like him in Atlantis.

It took him a split second to decide. He strode toward the banshee, herding her against the wall but never touching her. Bringing his masked face near to hers he hissed angrily.

“Listen up you skeezy bitch. You blab about the private life choices of Jones here or anyone else in Atlantis and I find you wherever you are in the city and I will feed to the carnivorous cephalopods that the biologists have been studying of the northwest pier. Did you know they’ve been chumming the waters so much that those big fuckers come looking for food now? I’m sure you’d be the perfect late night snack.”

She sneered, trying to hide her uncertainty “You wouldn’t. I’ll tell…”

“You’ll tell? On who? You don’t know who I am but I sure as hell know who you are. So keep your trap shut because I know just where to find you. Now get the fuck out of my face.”

He stepped back and waited in silence as she looked at him and then at Lorne, who was still frozen. Within seconds she’d slinked back into the party and it was just the two of them in the silence of the balcony.

Calvin let out a sigh and rolled the tension out of his shoulders. He glanced over to where Lorne was watching him with a look in his eyes that he couldn’t decipher. Then Lorne spoke.

“I… “ he started and flushed, colour returning to his face. “Thanks”

Calvin shrugged. “No biggie. She had no right to talk shit like that anyway. Not about your or Parrish or even Kusanagi. Whatever happens behind closed doors is none of anyone’s business. We’re all freaks in the bedroom anyway. You don’t step into a wormhole to another galaxy like we did if you’re pure vanilla. We’ve all got a swirl of something or the other in there.”

Damn, now he was thinking of ice cream and he was still hungry.

Lorne chuckled and relaxed a bit more. He kept biting his lip as if he were biting back words.  
It was shy and utterly endearing and Calvin was suddenly aware of how much trouble he was in. Here he was on a romantic sea front balcony, music and pale honey lighting to set the mood with a (when did he get so handsome) man he knew to be gay and was at the same time a mix of soldier and artist and who was rubbing the back of his head sheepishly which was pulling Calvin’s good ole’ farm boy trigger hard.

Danger Will Robinson Danger!

He took a deep breath and looked out unto the ocean. Down boy. Calm. the. fuck. Down.

“Sorry about that” Lorne said softly, he glanced away.

“It’s nothing, she’s always been a bit of a pain. Had a green thumb as big as the Hulk's but she should really stick to plants and leave people alone.”

“Yeah” Lorne sighed, sounding a bit defeated. Calvin didn’t like that look on him.

“I didn’t even know she had any feelings for me. David…. Parrish is on my team so I hang out with them a lot at the lab. I thought I was just looking out for the geeks you know?”

Actually he did know.

Rumour had it that Sheppard had given all of the military personnel a private directive. Look out for the Geeks. Ripples of it showed up in almost all aspects of city life. When he’d realized that his own team mates were following the directive with him he’d been a secretly pleased and comforted that he was their geek and they had looked past his reputation and his twat behavior enough to look out for him as their own.

“Anyway… that’s not what I’m sorry for.” Lorne was talking again.

Calvin tilted his head in curiosity.

“The pie” Lorne smiled. Calvin felt a pang in his chest at that small smile.

“I’m sorry I stole the last piece of pie”

Kavanaugh huffed. Oh yeah. He’d almost forgotten about that. Almost.

He folded his arms across his chest, putting the smirk he was wearing into his voice

“I’m sure we can find a way for you make it up to me.”

Lorne’s smile got a little brighter and Calvin’s heart skipped a beat.

Oh damn. He’d gone and done it now.

 

 

whew. done and done. feeling much better about my word count now.  
day four complete!


	5. Chapter 5

A Pumpkin Pie Slice of Life  
quicksylver28  
Warnings: language

 

Chapter Five

 

Kavanugh pulled off a muddy boot and made a face at the squelching sound. Ugh. He hated Planet Mudball. It had been a week since the Halloween Party and two days since he’d been cleared by medical for gate travel. Their first assignment was the routine check in with the tiny human settlement that harvested the natural sediments for medicinal purposes.

The botany and geology departments battled frequently and viciously over who was more gaga over the stuff and that meant that once a month a team was drafted to slog the four hours to and from the village through the sometimes thigh deep mud on ‘PX-whatthefuckeverwhocaresbecausetheressomuchfuckingmud’ as it was known to the SGA gates teams.

Now he sat on the locker room, bone weary and caked with the stuff from head to toe. Weir had taken one look at them as they staggered through the gate and had sent them straight to the locker room to peel off their gear and get under the showers. The mud, while chock-a-block with potential scientific benefits, dried into granite hard cake that was an utter bitch to get off human skin and hair.

Stripping off the last of his gear, he joined his team mates under the hot spray of the communal showers, letting the murmurs of their conversations soothe him as much as the steaming hot waters. 

They were debating the pros and cons of naked mud-wrestling as did every team after a visit to the planet with Alvarez and Mickey teasing Cadman and their team leader giving back just as good. One sly zinger about wanting to see some hot man on man action with Alvarez and Dex going at it in a naked mud wrestling match had them all guffawing and Calvin chortling quietly under the spray.

His mind drifted. It had been a week since the party. A whole seven days since that night. When he’d stood under the night sky and flirted with a very handsome gentleman. He’d always known Lorne was good looking, well built too, with arms that looked like they could hold his weight in the bedroom or up against a wall or, in his deepest fantasy, against the gate console as the gate engaged below them.

Calvin shivered despite the hot water and pushed his arousal down. It was one thing to be comfortable enough to share showers with his team but he was not going to have a hard-on in front of them. His mortification at the very thought killed the coil of heat in his belly.

Arousal was a very personal thing with him and sexually he was a very private person. He was no where near the place where he could do more than trade dirty jokes with others. That and Cadman would never let him hear the end of it. Ever. Team mate or not.

Out of the showers and to the infirmary for post mission check up and then team debrief. As Cadman told Weir and the heads of Botany and Geology about the breakthrough the scholars of Mudball had made Calvin let his mind drift again.

He’d always known Lorne was good looking, that much was true, but the day he’d first seen the man he’d put him safely in the “not a chance in hell of fucking” column and went on with his day.  
Lorne was Sheppard’s right hand and Sheppard was Team McKay All The Way! and being on Team Mckay meant that they weren’t going to be up for being on Team Kavanaugh. Besides, Lorne was polite to him, and fair. Whenever they worked together Lorne was professional and didn’t dismiss his ideas immediately or patronize him like most military men and women he’d known.

He hadn’t wanted to lose that rapport, that tentative respect with the soldier just for a chance at sex. And there were A LOT of chances at sex in Atlantis. The constant threat of danger made for very horny people. Very horny. There was some serious fucking happening behind closed doors in Atlantis.

He gaze ran over David Parrish as he sat, absorbed in reading a file on the miracle mud. Even if he did see Lorne as a potential lover, he’d always thought it was a given that Parrish would be the one to rope that bronco. Even with news of Parrish's exploits with Mckay’s lab ninja couldn’t get Lorne out of the “No fly Zone”.

Yet, as he recalled the night, his heart started to race a little. Lorne had been sexy with the leather jacket and the whip at his hip that did naughty things to Calvin’s mind. The way he blushed prettily at Kavanaugh’s brazen flirting and had tipped his hat briefly as he flirted back made Calvin’s cheeks heat up. He ducked his head so that they couldn’t see him blushing but luckily no one was looking at him anyway.

So Kavanaugh had done the only thing he could do in that situation. He’d fled. He’d flirted and charmed the Major with the ease of anonymity, never once taking off his mask or giving away his identity. He knew that once Lorne knew who he was it would change things between them. So he’d guided them back into the party and then made sure that they lost sight of each other in the crush of the crowd.

He’d then found a corner, whipped off the hood and gloves and slipped on the MIB shades that were in his pocket. Soon after that he’d slipped from the party and back to his quarters where he lay sleepless almost until dawn, his mind mining the brief moments of budding sexual attraction as his body flushed with want.

The Mud planet meeting adjourned and he stopped by the mess hall to pick up some coffee and a sandwich before heading down to the lab. The mess hall was full and noisy when he arrived. He immediately spotted McKay at the centre table with his team.

He was speaking rapidly, waving his hands passionately as he spoke, almost vibrating off the chair. Sheppard slouched next to him, arm slung over the back of McKay’s seat, looking as smug and self satisfied as the cat whose owner who’d just bought a dairy farm. Oh yeah, someone had finally gotten laid.  
He snickered at all the money that exchanged hands when Sheppard was seen the morning after the party with a dopey grin almost cracking his sexy face in half. McKay was rumored to pause mid argument and blush, which put Calvin off his feed really because a bashful McKay just did not fit into his current world view.

He was actually relieved when McKay gave him the stink eye because of one of his project reports and had made more than person burst into tears by the end of the next day.

Emmagen and Dex were back to normal Thank God and nodded and grunted their agreement because McKay never paused long enough for them to get a word in edgewise. Lorne’s team was sitting at the table as well and Calvin’s took a brief moment to appreciate the subject of his growing crush as he laughed along with the others at something Dex had grunted.

He sighed and moved along the food counter with a frown. Just Fucking Great. This was just what he needed. His very own man crush. He groaned softly and grabbed a cup of fruit jello to go with his sandwich. This was just one more thing he had to resign himself too. He hoped this crush would pass easier than the one he’d had on his roommate Dom back in college.

He knew Dominic had been willing and he knew the sex would have been fantastic but Calvin was a long term kind of guy and Dom was the antithesis of long term. He would have fallen fast if he’d let himself and Dom was never willing to be tied down by anything or anyone. He would have been left devastated.

He knew himself to be a man who loved hard and he weathered heartbreak just as hard. His marriage and divorce from his wife just two years prior was the final proof that he could never detach or just ‘get over it’ like others seemed to.

Well, she certainly seemed to get over it pretty fast. He’d thrown himself into work which led to the SGC which led to him standing in a millennia old city in another galaxy waiting in line for a sandwich.

He chuckled to himself and pushed his tray along, craning his neck to see what selection there was today when suddenly he saw it. Just then, at the end of the serving area, he spotted several pieces of almost pumpkin pie, sliced and portioned into plates.

Elation rose in him and he had to stop himself from jumping with joy. The kitchen staff had heard his prayers and had once again produced the food of the gods. Bless their little artichoke hearts.

He seriously contemplated cutting the line but he didn’t really want to go head to head with some of the scary motherfuckers before him and he wasn’t just talking about the soldiers. He did a head count in comparison to the number of pieces left and did the math in his head quickly. He had a good chance of snagging a piece by the time he got to the end.

The wait was excruciating. Everyone seemed to move like molasses. When Kusanagi wavered forever between pie and cake he almost wanted to rip his hair out. His foot beat a rapid pace against the floor and he sighed in exasperation.

Finally after an eternity therewas one person away from nirvana and there was still a piece left. The only thing left between him and his beloved was Dr. Biro and he calculated good chances that she would skip desert today. She looked haassled and in a hurry and she’d often claimed to never have much of a sweet tooth.

He thought about reaching around her the snag the slice but the last time someone tried to cut in front of Biro in line she’d threated to shank them with an embalming needle. That had earned an appointment with Heitmeyer and a reputation as one scary bitch.

Just then, much to his horror, the burly arm of Ronon Dex swooped in front of Biro and grabbed the last slice of pie as well as two slices of cake and three brownies. Kavanaugh could only watch aghast as Biro smiled and cooed, fucking cooed and the large Satedan and he piled deserts unto a tray.

“Oh yeah Ronon… and another brownie for Teyla too ok?” Sheppard’s voice rang out across the hall.

Disbelief and loss broke across Kavanaugh’s vision as Dex took the spoils of his raid back to the table. There was nothing he could do now. The loverly pie was gone. Again. He had a mind to go up to the hulk and challenge him to a duel then and there but he didn’t have a death wish.

And any explanation on why he deserved… no NEEDED that pie would surely be met with incredulous looks and pitying head shaking.

People brushed past him in line but he paid them no heed. All he could do was watch as Emmagen passed out the small plates, putting the slice of heaven in front of none other than Evan Lorne.

“Thanks Teyla” the rotten pie stealer smiled at the Athosian. “It’s just that I heard a lot about this pie at the party but didn’t get a chance to try it.”

Kavanugh felt his head grow hot. That no good rotten pie thief. He hissed out a breath though his teeth.

Mother Fucking Jones

It wasn’t until Lorne’s head jerked around to look at him in shock did he realize that he’d spoken that last part out loud. A weird silence fell over the mess hall.

A small voice told him to look away, to shrug it off, to pretend he hadn’t been the one to speak but frankly Calvin had reached just about his fucking limit of bullshit and could stand for no more.

He gave Lorne a look that promised utter and total devastation and stomped of the mess hall, clutching his jello cup and tattered pride around him.

 

 

yay, another one bites the dust.  
crap i just realized i only have about 500 words to do the last part with. yeesh


	6. Chapter 6

A pumpkin pie slice of life.  
quicksylver28  
Warnings: ah... i got nothing

Chapter Six

 

After a brief stop to grab his fleece jacket he found his way down to the south pier. The wind was bracing and stung his face and eyes and hands as he stood near one of the huge desalination pipes.

He welcomed the pain, focusing on that and letting his frustration bleed away. He knew he was over-reacting and that it was just a stupid dessert but Dammit, he’d really wanted something for once and again it had been snatched away before his eyes.

His face flushed hot as he thought about what the others were saying about him right now. It had just been too much to take at once. His radio squawked in his ear. Cadman. She must have heard what happened. He slipped the radio off his ear and into his pocket.

He couldn’t face them now. He felt scratched raw and couldn’t trust himself to keep it together in front of anyone right now. He needed a little time to put on his public bitch face so that he could deal with the fallout from his tantrum.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and walked further along the pier. Mckay’s sea mammals were back, hefting their large bodies out of the water with surprising grace. Calvin let himself get lost in their dancing for a while.

“Beautiful aren’t they?”

Calvin spun around at the voice. It was Lorne, holding a Life Signs Detector which he then tucked away. Calvin hummed in agreement and turned back to his whale watching.

Suddenly there was a warm shoulder touching his and something wrapped in tin foil was being handed to him. He frowned as he gingerly opened the package.

Well fuck. It was the piece of almost-pumpkin pie. It was a bit crushed and the whipped cream was smeared but it had never looked more delicious.

“I told you I would find a way to make it up to you. Sorry its small, I’d already taken a bite before I realized.”

Lorne’s breath was warm against his ear as he leaned close to be heard against the wind. Calvin shivered and proceeded to scarf the pie in one large bite, licking the cream off the foil and making delighted satisfaction noises.

Lorne cleared his throat and Kavanaugh looked over to see him pink faced, his windblown blonde hair giving him a debauched look. A familiar heat burned low in Calvin’s belly.

“Not bad.” He smirked. “It’s a good start though.” His eyes slipped to Lorne’s lips.

The Soldier tilted his head for a moment and slowly stepped into Calvin’s personal space.

“I think I can come up with something that would satisfy us both.”

Kavanugh’s smiled at the blatant innuendo and placed his hand on Lorne’s solid chest, briefly picturing running his tongue across that salty skin.

“You don’t… I mean, it can be okay with just the pie” he murmured.

He would give Lorne this out, this one chance to walk away. No harm done.

Two hands were warm as they held his cheeks and warm lips were on his. As Lorne deepened the kiss, all Calvin could think of was...

“Mmmm. Delicious.”

 

 

O.O  
i have finished a Rough Trade Challenge. ooooooh feels so gooooood.  
now i can hungrily read all the other stories and prep for the next boot camp.  
Yay me!  
final count. 9990+ words. just under the wire i think.


End file.
